I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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