I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
