They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
