is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
