It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
