dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
