The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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