She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
