Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
My life is pants optional.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
