I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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