She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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