I wanna bring you to show and tell
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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