I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
