I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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