I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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