Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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