Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
