it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
