apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I could make wine with my vomit
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
