Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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