literally had 100 drinks last night.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
