thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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