My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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