I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Randomize
