I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
PANTIES FOUND
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
