Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
