my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
