i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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