Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
