I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
