So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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