put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
