Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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