ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
