I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
