I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
