Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
