Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
me + whiskey = a bad person
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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