She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
