two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
