Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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