Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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