Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
