So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
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