They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
