Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
You are a genius and a whore.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
