I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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