I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
