I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
