Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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